nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize