i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
