Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize