One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize