We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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