i think my tv is drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
