I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
