get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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