I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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