Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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