I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
