until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize