WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
