once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
