how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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