I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
