she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
