i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
