Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
