I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
