we have officially lost it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
