don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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