bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
