i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Welp...herpes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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