Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
