Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
