I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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