i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
