my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
