Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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