that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
