escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize