He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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