Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
