I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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