Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize