Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize