My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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