he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The dick lei will go down in squad history
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
