I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
