I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
