Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
