We're like a lot better than the average bears
no, he came in my armpit
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize