Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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