I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
