when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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