There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize