She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
