Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
