Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
