there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
