Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
