census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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