I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
