I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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