why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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