I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize