i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
