I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
