I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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