Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
