I want to have your abortion
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
