Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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