Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
