Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
