I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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