you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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