That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
