He kissed a someone with a penis
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
